Back in Action!

I remember when I first thought about starting this blog and calling it "Dear Daughters." A friend said I might end up having a son eventually so maybe I should think of another name for it, like "Dear Darlings" or something along those lines. The last time I wrote on this blog was a year and a half ago. Charlie graced our family with his presence seven months ago now and life has been even sweeter with him in it. After a long break from this blog, I've decided to pick it back up again. This is a place for me to sort out my thoughts, document my growing family, and record lessons I learn along the way. It is my hope that my children will be able to read these words one day even after I'm gone and come to know their mother and their childhood all over again.

Today I'm trying to remember all of the things I've already forgotten about my children—their intricacies, habits, favorites, first words and so much more. I want to remember the way they are today.

Ivey

My first baby. You are turning five years old in a couple of weeks. You are genuinely thoughtful and have a deep desire to please and to do the right thing. You have strong convictions and ideas about life already. I pray you won't lose that as you grow. You are a good "rememberer" like your Daddy, as you like to put it. And you are. God has given you an incredible mind. I pray you will most of all remember that you are loved, no matter what. You love to create. You are learning to draw girls and princesses. You are always so excited to show off your latest creations! You love to make believe. You've taught Ruthie well and I don't know what she is going to do without you during the day when you go to kindergarten soon. And speaking of kindergarten, just as I was anxious at the thought of you being gone from me so much each day, you brought it back into focus when you reminded me that you'd tell others about Jesus at your new school. I couldn't help but smile as I thought about the strong faith God has already begun in your heart. I pray that it will grow beyond what I can imagine or even ask for you. You love to twirl, sing, dress up, and wear pajamas. You just learned how to make it across the entire set of monkey bars—something you are quite proud of. You love being a big sister and you're pretty great at it. You think Charlie "turned out to be a pretty cute baby," which you verbalize often. ;) You love quality time, physical touch, family activities and trips. You are a good friend and kind to those around you. And you're quick to remind me when I'm not practicing what I preach! You're one of my most valued little refining fires and God has used you so much in my life already to make me a better person. You are a light my sweet girl.

Ruthie

You are three going on 16. You have brought much laughter and indescribable joy to our home. You love BIG. In fact, you do everything BIG. I pray that you will live life to the fullest and chase hard after God and His plans for you. You are a sweet big sister to Charlie. You take your role seriously. You have a servant's heart and love to help me around the house. You remind me of a little mother sometimes. You are determined, smart, witty, and loving. You are a fighter (always have been) and I can see that God has amazing things in store for your life. I pray that you will come to know and love Him with all of your being. You are independent and industrious. You love to play with your big sister and have no trouble keeping up with the big kids. You are full of passion and I ask the Lord often to direct that passion however He sees fit. You are excited to have Mommy, Ruthie, and Charlie adventures when Ivey starts school, however, I know you will miss your sister's presence throughout the day. She is your "best friend." You are completely loved, Ruthie Gail.

Charlie

My boy. Every time I think of you I smile in delight. You are a precious gift. You love your momma and I'm relishing in it while I can! You are rolling, scooting and army crawling all over the place. You are a drooling, food loving, nursing and sleeping champ. You give the best kisses and reserve them only for your mother. You are fascinated by everything your big sisters do and I know you will learn a lot from them in the years to come. I pray that you will be a mighty man of valor, walking blameless before your God during the days ahead. I pray that you will love the Lord with all of your heart, remain pure in a perverse world, and be a man of character and principle with deep convictions and a strong faith. I pray that you will have a respect for women that stems from your relationship with your sisters as you grow into a man. May you be a true man in a world full of boys. And may you never stop loving your Momma. ;)

Behold, children are a gift of the lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one's youth. How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them." Psalm 127:3-5

Bearing One Another's Burdens

There was a game I used to play as a child. We'd form two opposite groups, both of which held hands in a line. The first team would chant, "Red Rover, Red Rover, send _____ right over!" The person named ran as fast as they could in order to break the "chain" formed by the other team. If they were successful, they could choose an opposing team member to bring back to their own side. If they were unsuccessful, they had to join the other team's side. The group with the most people at the end of the game won.

When a member of the other team ran as fast as they could toward my part of the chain, I began to tighten my grip on my teammates' hands and tell them not to let go. I had a rush of adrenaline in that moment, as if everything depended upon me.

Then there was the feeling I'd get when my name was called. I'd grit my teeth, try to find the weakest link, and run like the wind (or so I thought). I loved the feeling of breaking through and bringing someone back with me to the other side. I had proven stronger than the opposite team. I had broken the chain. I had "rescued" someone from what was sure to be the losing team. It was always a proud moment for me.

Sometimes, I think life is similar to that old game.

No Matter What

Ivey, you and I had this conversation today:

"Mommy, if I hit or push, and get in trouble…you'll forgive me?"

"Of course, baby, I'll always forgive you and love you no matter what." 

"No matter what, mommy." 

"That's right, baby."

"Mommy, I love you…no matter what." 

If I feel that way about you, how much more does the Father feel that way about you? How much more does He feel that way about me?

Dear Daughters, Don't "Follow Your Heart"

photo source

"Follow your heart and your dreams will come true."

"Stop thinking so much and follow your heart."

"Do what you know in your heart is right."

"Follow Your Heart."

What a great thought…what a detrimental way of life.

Now, I know most people's intention behind this statement is to "be true to yourself," "do what you love," "find what makes you happy, and go for it!" The problem? 

"The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?" Jeremiah 17:9

"When a man's folly brings his way to ruin, his heart rages against the Lord." Proverbs 19:3

My heart and your hearts are not trustworthy. The reason many of us feel like we are riding a roller coaster through life with no sense of security or steadiness in view is not because we failed to follow our hearts, but rather, because we choose to trust our foolish, sinful hearts above the thoughts and desires of our Creator. 

Craving "Control" When "Control" Is Not the Answer

Photo Credit

I would argue that one of the number one things people seem to desire in life is "control." 

If you believe the Bible is the Word of God and is all-together true and reliable, like I do, it is not difficult to see where this "control issue" began. When Adam and Eve ate the fruit they were forbidden to eat, there were probably several root issues going on there. Maybe they began to doubt whether or not God was truly good, and whether or not He was holding out on them. They probably wondered what He was keeping from them. They might have felt a sense of power in making their own choice about the fruit…a sense of control. Unfortunately for them, and us, this one decision solidified the great "problem of evil" found in our world and within each of our hearts. We are a rebellious people. We desire control. We would rather die than surrender. 

Awkward Lindsey and What God Has To Say About Insecurity

My best childhood friend (who was also in my wedding and I continue to love dearly!) sent me this picture recently…

Yep…soak it in. It's fifth grade Lindsey in all her glory.

As funny as it is now to look back at old pictures of myself, this little picture brings back many memories. That girl was in a full on AWKWARD stage, that I'm afraid lasted beyond fifth grade. (Truth be told, I'm not sure it really ever ended.) If I had to sum that age up with one word, I have a feeling it would be the same word many would use to describe this phase of their lives: Insecure. 

As women especially, we deal with insecurity from a young age. I'll let you in on a few fifth grade Lindsey insecurities…

"Oh That You May Know Him!"

Dear daughters,

I can't believe how you are growing, learning, and developing each day! I feel so blessed to be your mommy and watch you become the women God created you to be. 

Ivey, you are three years old and so excited about life! You have such a fun personality; you're smart, funny, silly, loving, tender-hearted, strong-willed (like your momma!), and you soak up the world around you like a sponge! You love to learn and talk about new things. I am praying I will be faithful to use these important, early years to pour truth into your heart, and prayerfully, watch the seeds grow into fruit down the road. I pray daily that God would draw you to Himself at an early age, and captivate your heart for His purposes. I know He created you with great purpose and He has given you such a special little personality and spirit I know He intends for great things! I pray you would come to know your true identity as a REAL princess – a daughter of the one true King. 

{Pity} Party of One

A while back, I called your aunt ready to “vent” about how I’d been done wrong. I told her all the details of the story and how I had not been considered or thought of. She seemed to be playing “Devil’s advocate” by trying to help me see the possible "other side" of the story. This only made me explain all the more why I knew I had been mistreated and should be apologized to. Then, in only the way a sister could do, she said, “Lindsey, I think you need to go read your ‘Toddler Tantrum’ post because you are having a tantrum.”

I didn’t love hearing that rebuke from my sister; my feelings did not all of a sudden go away, but I did take a moment to stop and evaluate myself. 

{Pity} party of one! 

Isn’t it frustrating when you seem to be the only one who understands your side of the story or why you’ve been wronged somehow? Typically, when I allow myself to have a pity party, all too soon I realize I’m the only one there. How could something I feel so strongly not be evident to those close to me?

As a woman, I know I can “feel” my way toward a bad attitude or poor decision in a heartbeat. It’s easy to forget how fickle my own feelings can be. 

"From Rebellious to Reconciled"

“The God of Heavens Armies” no longer sees me as rebellious, but as reconciled. 

In the Old Testament, the Lord, the God of Heavens Armies, is often seen giving warnings to His people for their continuous rebellion against their creator – the one true God. Even in His harsh warnings to these incredibly sinful people of His, He still speaks of His love for them and His insatiable desire to show mercy toward them if they will return to Him. Though there were some godly men and women along the way, none of whom were perfect by any means, the majority continued in their rebellion against God. So, the God of Heaven’s Armies (one of my favorite names of God), who could wipe us all out in one fatal swoop, saw fit to come down from heaven to us instead. He knew we would continue in our rebellion, in and of ourselves, so He did the perfect living for us and died the death we deserve as a result of our sin. In fact, it PLEASED Him to do so according to Colossians 1:19. The one true God doesn't require us to live in perfect obedience and work our way to Him – Praise God! 

"Are you Satisfied?"

Dear daughters,

Sometimes, no matter how good your life might actually be, or might seem to be to others, you still won't be satisfied. It's no secret that even the most successful people by our world's standards are still not content with their lives. 

I remember when I was young, I couldn't wait to grow up, fall in love, and have a family of my own. Sometimes I can't believe I am now living that reality. I've often struggled with either looking so forward to the future or reminiscing about the past to the point that I've failed to truly live in the present. This is nothing new. It's an age old struggle, this "grass is greener" mentality. Why have people struggled to find happiness and satisfaction for so long? Why, now that I am living my lifelong dream of being a wife and mother, do I find myself on my worst days wishing I could drive to a distant city where no one knows me and have an adventure or two before coming back home? I imagine it's the same reason those people out there who are seemingly living those adventures I often crave, are possibly wishing for the life I now possess.

"It wasn't a burning bush…it was a stupid refrigerator"

We are currently renting a three-level town home. When we sold our Memphis house, we were able to keep our refrigerator since the new owners had their own. That refrigerator was our first purchase as a married couple, so oddly enough, it was kind of sentimental to me. We have it down in the garage and our plan was to use it for food overflow and drinks, but it hasn't worked out quite like we'd hoped.

Somehow, that old refrigerator (as in only 6 years but who's counting) trips the downstairs breaker from time to time turning itself completely off when we least expect it. The first time I discovered this unfortunate situation, I found a giant bag of frozen mixed berries in the freezer completely melted. So much for those smoothies! Just when we think it's safe to store some food in it again, it trips the breaker and totally shuts down. Bottom line is, it's unreliable, it's using up more energy than it's worth, and it's become a nuisance rather than a help. 

In all honesty, after a busy Easter weekend, this morning was the first morning in several days I managed to get up early enough to take in God's Word and sit in His presence. Last night I found myself frustrated, anxious, stressed, and feeling guilty because I knew I had been short-tempered with you girls and easily agitated that day. I was letting my focus shift from what I know to be true, that God will provide for all of our needs and is in total control of our lives, to worrying and showing a complete lack of trust in the God who, even though He doesn't have to, has proven himself faithful time and time again.

"It's More Than a Sandwich"

Dear daughters,

Sometimes, your dad asks me to make a sandwich for him late at night. Is he asking me this in order to treat me like a servant or to "run over me?" I know the answer is no, but often times a simple request for a sandwich can reveal a deeply rooted issue in my own heart. That leads me to tell you a little bit about your great-grandparents. 

"Lessons From a Stranger"

Dear daughters,

Today I learned a lesson from a complete stranger…

As I stood in line to grab my weights and exercise mat for a strength class I attended this morning at our gym, I noticed a woman making her way around the room talking with several others who were attending the class as well. I have seen this woman several times before at the gym. She is always smiling and seems to have a warmth that radiates from her face as she engages those around her in conversation.

Today, she made her way to my spot in the large, open room and said she had seen me coming in earlier and thought she would introduce herself. She probably talked to me for four or five minutes as we waited on the class to start, but in those few minutes, she managed to find out a good bit about me, my life, my family, and even pay me a sweet compliment! She told me about her family, her seven grandchildren, four of whom live close by, and that she had a daughter about my age. From there, the instructor began the class, and we were off to our own parts of the room. As I walked to my car afterward, I saw her helping her daughter, who happened to be in a wheel chair, into the car. She called me by name from across the parking lot saying she wanted to introduce me to her daughter as well. After a quick introduction, we were each on our way to go about the rest of our day.

"Arrows In My Quiver"

Dear daughters,

You will never know how much I have already learned from you. I can't believe I've had the amazing privilege of being a mom for three years now! You are both growing so quickly! Though these last three years have been, arguably, the best of my life, there have been times I have struggled with my role as "mom." It's taught me (similar to the way marriage did) how selfish I can be.  I am consistently learning the art of denying myself in service to others. I know you girls need me now, more than ever, and as the days and years go by, you will seem to need me less and less.

This truth causes several reactions in my heart. I know the less you need me, the more time I will eventually have for "other" things. I also know your growing independence will, hopefully, mean we have done something right in training you up and sending you out. It is my prayer that you girls will grow into strong, godly women who will truly make a difference in this world. There is also a part of my mother's heart that aches at the thought of you no longer "needing" me the way you do now.

From One "PK" to Another

Dear Daughters,

You and I have something unique in common–we are both pastor's kids (PK). Statistics show that 40 percent of PKs go through a period of significant doubt about their faith. Thirty-three percent of them grow up to no longer be involved in church, and 7 percent leave their faith altogether.

As you know, my three siblings and I (your aunts and uncle) are all still actively seeking the Lord and are each involved in our individual churches. People have asked me over the years what it was like growing up in a pastor's home. Depending on the person asking, they might have felt sorry for me thinking I probably grew up in some kind of "holy prison," while others might think I lived a charmed life with no real problems.

"The Dot"

Dear Daughters,

I have a confession to make...I struggle with fear.

Now, the fear I struggle with isn't necessarily a fear of rejection, loneliness, or anything like that; it is the fear of tragedy. I don't assume I am alone in this fear, in fact, I believe it's totally natural. But, just because something is natural or normal, doesn't mean I have to let it control my life.

Not the "happily ever after" I expected...

Dear Daughters (or should I say, Snow White and Tinker Bell…),

This is probably how you will always look to your mommy and daddy. You are definitely princesses in our eyes! But, I've decided we need to have a realistic discussion about the whole Princess/Prince Charming thing…

Prayers for my daughters...

First and foremost, I pray that you would come to know the God who created you and trust him as your only hope of salvation. It is God's desire for you to be saved (Rom. 10:1). I pray that God would open your eyes at an early age to the truth of the gospel. Lord help our children to turn from darkness to light and receive forgiveness of sins and a place among those who are sanctified by faith in God (Acts 26:18). 

I pray against the schemes of the enemy toward you and claim in the name of Jesus that your minds would not be blinded by the god of this world but you would see and embrace the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God (2 Cor. 4:4). I pray that your minds would be renewed by the power of the gospel of Jesus and that you would not set your minds on fleshly things, but rather submit them to God (Rom. 8:7).

I pray that, like Jesus, you would grow in wisdom, stature, and favor with God and man. I pray you would not fear men, which is a snare, but rather, trust the Lord and be kept safe (Prov. 29:25). 

I pray in agreement with Psalm 91:10-11 and ask the Lord that no evil will befall you, nor any plague come near your physical dwelling, but that God would give angels charge concerning you and guard you in all of your ways. 

Daughters, delight in God above all else. Let the pleasures and lures of this world have no hold on your hearts. I pray you would have hearts undivided for God, and remain pure in a world where purity is laughed at and mocked. 

I pray you would be pure in speech: Let the words of their mouths and the meditations of their hearts be pleasing to you, O Lord (Psalm 19:14). 

Pure in deed: Lord help them to keep their way pure by guarding it according to your word (Psalm 119:9).

Pure in heart: Help them to turn, see, and know the one true God (Matt. 5:8).

It is my prayer that you would set an example for other believers in your speech, conduct, love, faith, and purity according to God's word (1 Tim. 4:12).

A Post About "Love"

You can't explain what love is any better than Paul did in 1 Corinthians 13. 

"If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.  Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails."

I am humbled and convicted whenever I encounter this truth. When I think about what the Lord did for me, and the love He showed in His death and resurrection, I am in awe. How can I receive perfect love from the God of the universe, when I am so undeserving of it, and not give it freely in return? 

Ruthie's Birth Story

Dear Ruthie,

As your first birthday quickly approaches, I can't help but look back over the last year with much gratitude and amazement at how much our hearts were expanded upon your arrival into this world!

Daddy and I found out we were expecting you during our fourth anniversary trip to Tampa, Florida. When I was 17 weeks along, we found out you were a girl! I knew the second your gender was revealed that you were meant to be our little Ruthie Gail Wingo. Your Gi Gi was so excited to be your namesake.