Craving "Control" When "Control" Is Not the Answer

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I would argue that one of the number one things people seem to desire in life is "control." 

If you believe the Bible is the Word of God and is all-together true and reliable, like I do, it is not difficult to see where this "control issue" began. When Adam and Eve ate the fruit they were forbidden to eat, there were probably several root issues going on there. Maybe they began to doubt whether or not God was truly good, and whether or not He was holding out on them. They probably wondered what He was keeping from them. They might have felt a sense of power in making their own choice about the fruit…a sense of control. Unfortunately for them, and us, this one decision solidified the great "problem of evil" found in our world and within each of our hearts. We are a rebellious people. We desire control. We would rather die than surrender. 

My parents tell a story from my childhood that still makes me laugh! It happened one morning before school as I was trying to get all of my things together before we left. Completely distraught, and in a dramatic tone, I exclaimed, "I AM SO STRESSED!" My parents, of course, asked me why I was "stressed." I said, "because I can't get all of my books into my book bag!!" 

Yep. Take me back to the days of that kind of stress! 

Though this silly example is small and insignificant, in the moment, I struggled to control something as simple as filling my backpack with my books, and it made me MAD! To this day if I find myself complaining to my parents or my siblings about something not going my way, they are quick to say, "Awe, are your books not fitting in your book bag today, Lindsey?" I know. They are so empathetic. But it actually serves as a good reminder for me that perhaps I am being a little overdramatic at times and need to calm down and think about the issue at hand. 

If you've ever taken the "DISC" personality test, you understand the initial discouragement that comes along with reading the list of your innate weaknesses. If you are familiar with this test, you will know what I mean when I say I've scored a high "D" (Dominant) each time I've taken it over the years. Here is a little insight into my weaknesses according to this test. 

"They (Dominant personalities) tend to overstep authority, as they prefer to be in charge themselves. At times they can be argumentative and not listen to the reasoning of others. They tend to dislike repetition and routine and may ignore the details and minutia of a situation, even if it's important. They may attempt too much at one time, hoping to see quick results…The D Personality Type craves to be in control of the situation, and therefore fears the idea of being taken advantage of by others...D personalities desire freedom from other's rules...The D can be controlling and domineering at times and will need to watch their tone and body language when feeling frustrated or stressed out." 

Well. That's just lovely. But what about the other personality types? Do they struggle too? To be fair to myself and others like me, here are some weaknesses of the other three personality types:

I (Influential) - "Rejection is their biggest fear...The I Personality Type requires a place that does not feel rigid and controlled...They tend to be impulsive in decision making and would benefit from some research and contemplation before acting...As natural talkers, I styles may need to concentrate on talking less and listening more.

S (Steady) - "The S is described as stable and predictable, this is because they like to get into a routine and what feels secure and stick with it. This results in an opposition towards change...Because the S style is passive and avoids conflict, they may also hold grudges when they experience frustrations and resentments, instead of facing the issue head on...Because they desire positive personal relationships and avoid conflict, the S may be overly agreeable or put others needs before their own."

C (Conscientious) - "The C Personality Type is one of the passive styles, which results in avoiding conflict. They will avoid conflict rather than argue, and it is difficult to get them to verbalize their feelings...Sometimes they can get too bogged down in the small details, making it difficult to see the next steps or big picture...The C is motivated by information and logic...Although the C style fears criticism from others, especially for their work, they tend to be over critical of others…At times, the C will need to push themselves to be decisive and take risks, even if all the research isn't there to support it."

So, with the issue of "control" in mind, here is the "Lindsey version" of each personality type. (Yes I realize I am not a personality expert.)

D: "You're not the boss of me. I am in charge. I know all the answers. Move out of my way!"
I: "Listen to me! I've already made the decision. I don't want to be 'controlled' so please leave me alone."
S: "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming…Conflict? Me, a problem with you? Nope…just keep swimming, just keep swimming. Just leave me alone, I'm swimming."
C: "Give me the facts. Make sure they are logical. Fine, you go on doing what you want, and I'll do the same, thank you. I don't want to hear your critical comments, thanks though."

It seems to me, though each personality type is unique and each has its own set of strengths and weaknesses, at the end of the day they all want to control something. They might want to control all decisions and outcomes, or they may want to control the situation and keep the peace. They may want to control their own, personal environment regardless of what other people are doing. Maybe they want to control the way others view them. Maybe some want to control their own reality without relying on facts. Or maybe they rely heavily on logic and facts and dispute anything that asks them to believe without seeing or agree without really knowing.

We all have various, innate issues when it comes to surrender and faith. 

For the Christian person, whatever personality you have and whatever background or baggage you have will directly affect the way you respond to the gospel. Do you struggle with the idea of being "told what to do"? What about being "told what to believe"? Do you struggle with "absolute truth"? Do you view scripture as "rules and regulations" or "myths and fairy tails"? Are you totally indifferent? Do you desire to control those around you or at least your own personal environment, then get disappointed when life doesn't work how you want it to?

I'm sure the list could go on and on. In my sinful nature, I know I desire to control. I want to be in charge and to be heard. This creeps up in my marriage if I'm not careful and intentional about it. I want to control my children…who they become, how they behave, what they do and don't do…I often elevate my own thoughts and opinions and get emotionally charged if I feel like I'm being brushed off. My list of failures and weaknesses could go on and on and on for days…years even.

But, I am learning I don't have to be defined by any of that.

"..anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!" 2 Corinthians 5:17

"So letting your sinful nature control your mind leads to death. But letting the Spirit control your mind leads to life and peace." Romans 8:6 

When I live life controlled by the Spirit of God in me, my desire for control turns into surrender. I surrender my thoughts, my opinions, my desires, my feelings, my emotions, my status, my reputation, my future…I surrender it all. 

I begin to live by faith rather than my self-proclaimed "truth."

"Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see." Hebrews 11:1

I begin to live in freedom. 

I am free from the need to control others, and my surroundings. I am free from the need to control the outcome of every situation. I can hold everything that is important and dear to me high above my head, palms open, and heart surrendered to the only One who truly controls anything at all. I don't have to keep a watchful eye because He is trustworthy and He is already victorious. I don't have to understand it all, because He sees the big picture. I don't have to struggle; I can simply rest. The One who is victorious over all is willing and able to give us victory over our desire for control and the sinful nature it stems from.

"Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand." Proverbs 19:21

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9

"Be still and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." Psalm 46:10

"I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." Galatians 2:20

"We grow weary in our present bodies, and we long for the day when we will put on our heavenly bodies like new clothing." 2 Corinthians 5:2 

Now. Repeat after me. Breath in comfort and peace as you breath out these words: "I am not in control…and that's ok." 

I can submit to the various authorities in my life because I submit ultimately to God. And He is trustworthy. I can relinquish the outcome of all life's issues to the Lord, prayerfully making my requests known to Him, because He is trustworthy and He is good. 

Maybe, it's not time for more control. Maybe it's time for surrender.