From One "PK" to Another

Dear Daughters,

You and I have something unique in common–we are both pastor's kids (PK). Statistics show that 40 percent of PKs go through a period of significant doubt about their faith. Thirty-three percent of them grow up to no longer be involved in church, and 7 percent leave their faith altogether.

As you know, my three siblings and I (your aunts and uncle) are all still actively seeking the Lord and are each involved in our individual churches. People have asked me over the years what it was like growing up in a pastor's home. Depending on the person asking, they might have felt sorry for me thinking I probably grew up in some kind of "holy prison," while others might think I lived a charmed life with no real problems.




Now that I am a mother, as well as a minister's wife, I can't help but think back to my own childhood and try to pinpoint what it was that my parent's seemingly "did right" in order to produce four children who sincerely love the Lord. Now, I am not one to air other people's dirty laundry, but I think my siblings would all agree we are not even close to perfect. Praise God we don't have to be perfect in order to be made right with Him! But, we do all love Jesus and desire to make Him known.

Let me tell you a little bit about my experience growing up as a PK. My dad, your Papaw, has been the senior pastor of four churches over the years. Two of those churches (the ones I spent most of my life in) are considered large churches. As a child, I use to complain about some of the things that came along with my lot in life as a PK. Some of those complaints included being at the church pretty much every time the doors opened, being involved in EVERYTHING that targeted kids in my particular age group, waiting around to leave the church while my parents talked to many members of the congregation, and so on. It was practically our second home it seemed. I, like you my sweet little almost three-year-old, thought I had free reign throughout the building and would run up and down the aisles, up onto the stage, through the choir loft, and away from my mother who I knew would show me "what was what" if you know what I mean…

All that to say, we were at church A LOT. As a teenager, my biggest complaints consisted of the embarrassment of becoming a sermon illustration, boys being afraid to ask me out on dates because my dad was not only the pastor, but also a big, intimidating guy, and feeling like I could never get away with anything because everyone knew who I was and would call my parents in a heartbeat if they saw me somewhere I shouldn't be.

Another aspect of ministry that affects the entire family is the fact that people are not always going to agree with or like your parents. This was something I became more aware of in high school and then slapped in the face with in college. Now, for fear of sounding completely negative about the whole experience, let me just say I also benefited from some amazing blessings that came along with my life as a PK. In every church I have been a part of, there have been members of the congregation who have truly become like family. Until my college years, we didn't live in the same state as our extended family members, so our church family stepped in to fill the gap many times. My best friends growing up were members of our church and many of my absolute favorite memories revolved around church activities. Not only that, but I had countless men and women pour into my life along the way, and I wouldn't trade anything for that experience!

The point of this discussion is not to simply take a trip down memory lane, or to merely discuss what we might have in common as PKs. What I really want to dive into is my personal experience growing up in the home I was blessed to be a part of and some of the reasons why I believe I did not become one of the 33 percent of PKs to leave the church, or more significantly, one of the almost 60 percent of young Christians in general to grow up and leave the faith.

The biggest and most important thing I saw growing up that shaped my faith was a real and genuine relationship with the Lord in my parents' lives. From the time I was a child, I saw intimacy with God modeled for me in the lives of my mom and dad. Does that mean they, themselves, were perfect? No, they would be the first to tell you they weren't. Sometimes people see a pastor or worship leader on the platform and think they must have it all together. I will tell you this, no marriage is without arguments and struggles and no home is completely without strife and chaos. There were four kids in our home; that means there was often chaos! I am thankful my parents never made us feel like we had to live up to unrealistic expectations as pastor's kids, and they treated us like normal, fleshly kids who needed to be shown their need for a savior.

I've seen my parents up early spending time with the Lord more times than I can even begin to count. They have been spiritual parents to many and have genuinely poured out their lives for those around them. I've seen them exhibit humility when they knew they messed up, and ask forgiveness when needed. I've seen them pray without ceasing and have personally witnessed answered prayers in the process. They taught me how to seek God by more than just their words. I've heard it said you can't pass on what you do not possess. I can say, without a shadow of doubt, my parents passed on a genuine faith that came from deep within their souls. There is no way I could grow up seeing that and deny the reality of the God we worship. I've seen Him in my parents, and that is one reason I know He is real.

My mom and dad also made sure to be actively involved in each of our lives. They were supportive of our dreams and always there to cheer us on. They used their words to speak life and blessings to us as their children, rather than use them to tear us down or beat us up. My mom, in particular, has the incredible gift of seeing the potential in people and literally speaking and praying it to life in them. She didn't fill our heads with confidence that stemmed from our own "abilities," but pointed out ways in which she believed God had uniquely gifted us in order to use those things for His glory.

That leads me to one of the other most invaluable reasons I believe my siblings and I are all still following the Lord, and that is the prayers of my parents. My mom and dad both have different approaches when it comes to the way they go about an organized, intentional prayer life, but the bottom line is, they are both organized and intentional about prayer. My mom could pull out pages of a notebook dating back years ago and show you specific prayers she has prayed for us as well as how the Lord answered those prayers. They prayed for us, and they prayed with us. They showed us that prayer matters; prayer touches the heart of God and can truly make a difference. I have said before that the prayers of my parents have been one of the most comforting things to me in my life.

Another thing my parents have shown me that has shaped my walk with the Lord is, their steadfast faithfulness to the Lord and His call on their lives, no matter their circumstances. My father was diagnosed with a life-altering disease when I was in junior high. It absolutely took a tole on our entire family, but I have seen Him walk humbly with the Lord through it all. The medicine he took affected his body in some difficult ways, and also affected his mood. They have experienced trials in ministry that have put them on their face before God, ready to give up at times, and yet, through the power of the Holy Spirit in them, they have kept going.

You see, my parents would have thrown in the towel long ago if all that we stand for were a lie. If it was all just a happy little thought or a sweet little possibility, this gospel we proclaim, they would have never made it this far. I would have completely seen through the facade. I know God is real, and I know the gospel is true, because the power of the Holy Spirit of God has been more than evident in my life and the lives of my family members. Have we lived a "charmed" life? Have we always "lived our best life now?" Have we been free from pain, trials, and the realities of life? By no means! But, I've SEEN God move, I've SEEN God answer, I've SEEN God prevail, and it all started in my home.

The home is God's primary tool for discipleship. I don't know why some people grow up in a Christ-centered home and still waver later on in life. I don't have those answers. But, what I do know, is that it is my greatest desire in life to have my children one day say, "I didn't live in a perfect home, my parents were normal people just like everyone else, but I KNOW God is real, because I have seen Him in my home. I have seen Him answer prayers. I have seen Him work miracles. I have seen Him in my parents' lives."

It is my joy to fight for you, my dear daughters! As long as I am breathing, I will seek the God I know is true, I will strive to be filled to overflow with His spirit, and I will fight for you on my knees in prayer. May my prayers bring you comfort as you go through your life, and may my intimacy with Christ be real and tangible enough, that you will never be able to deny the one true God!