The First of Many

Dear Daughters,

This is the first of hopefully many letters I will write to you throughout my life. My words so often come out more clearly when I write. You are young now, but one day will understand the things I want to tell you.

I am currently trying to rid my life of things that keep me from really living. Living in the way God intended. I am easily distracted. My mind wanders; my emotions are fickle. My desires are so often temporal and uneasily satisfied. I know the reason behind this, though I so often don't live in light of the truth. I am always striving but never quite getting where I am trying to go. I grasp at the temporal things of this world seeking satisfaction or a better life only to find I've been clawing at the sand, never leaving where I started.




I have moments, glorious moments, when I get a glimpse of my heart's true desires fulfilled. The moments when I sit covered in sand, stuck, feeling alone, tired from all my striving. It's in those moments that like Elijah being drawn out into the light by a soft voice, my head lifted up by gentle hands, I can suddenly feel with every fiber within me what I was truly made for. I see a glimpse of what my soul longs for day in and day out. I know he is calling me and I answer. The one who in one glance knows all of me –every fear, every struggle, every doubt–he is holding my hand.

I remember in those moments what I was made for. I cry out to him, and he says to me, "Come."

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." 

And it's true. His yoke is easy and his burden is light. He reminds me to rest in him. To find solitude in his presence. To seek that which he has intended for me all along. He hasn't called me to strive. He has called me to surrender. It's not a partial surrender, as if there is such a thing, but the ultimate surrender–surrender unto death. He has called me to die. Oh but it is a glorious death. It is a death that allows me to truly live. It's only in this death that life can be sweet or have any type of meaning. My desires, my will, my flesh–dead.

"I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." 

"If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul?"

A wise woman (your Nonna) has told me many times, "Dead men don't have rights." If I am dead, how can I then be offended? If I am dead, the things in this world no longer matter because I am living as a dead man–living in light of eternity. When we live in light of this eternal perspective and die to our flesh, a whole new world of purpose opens up to us. It's no longer about the "circle of life" or eighty-plus years of striving, grabbing, living in light of the meaningless.

I've often thought if there weren't more to life than this world, growing older, and going through the motions, then what is the point? If this is all there is, then there really is no point. Who ever wanted to play a game that had no end and no purpose?

I don't know all there is to know about life or death or dying to our flesh, but I know the one who created life and gives our lives purpose. He sees us, filthy, worn, ragged, and weary. He comes to us, cups our face, and holds our hand. He says to us, "Come, follow me."

"I am the way the truth and the life."

"The Lord directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives. Though they stumble, they will never fall, for the Lord holds them by the hand."

He knows us, yet he loves us. He knows the truth–the ugly, dirty truth–and yet he picks us up, dusts us off and gives us rest from this troubling world.

"I have come that they may have life, and may have it abundantly."

Daughters, hear my prayer for you. Seek the God who's seeking you. You will find him. Test him in this.

"And you will seek me and find me when you search for me with all your heart."

There really is only one purpose in life, and that is to know and be known by the one true, living God; the God who loves us too much to leave us. Do you think God would take on flesh in order to live the perfect life we can't live and die the death we so deserve, just so we would continue our relentless striving? He saw us in our sin, in our weakness, and he came to the rescue!

He is the truest "Prince Charming" there ever was or is! And you know what? The glass slipper is one size fits all. He chooses you! He wants to speak to you and listen to your heart's cry. He wants to carry you away to happily ever after, and he will! He is coming for you.

"When everything is ready, I will come and get you, so that you will always be with me where I am."

So remember this, when your mind and emotions are trapped in the confines of this world. Remember its not your true home. Remember he is coming for you! No more grasping at the sand. Instead, stand at the seashore. Look out. Breath in. Be still. Know that he sees you. Know that he created you. Know that he loves you. He came for you once. He will also come again. This is the only truth that will set you free. This is my prayer for you dear daughters. I love you with all my heart, but not as much as he does. He is your heart's truest desire. Let it be your life's mission to find him. He isn't hiding.

Love,

Mom