"It's More Than a Sandwich"

Dear daughters,

Sometimes, your dad asks me to make a sandwich for him late at night. Is he asking me this in order to treat me like a servant or to "run over me?" I know the answer is no, but often times a simple request for a sandwich can reveal a deeply rooted issue in my own heart. That leads me to tell you a little bit about your great-grandparents. 

I feel so blessed to still have two of my precious grandparents (Mamaw and Papoo) living and involved in our lives. I look up to them so much, and have received such a tremendous heritage in them. One thing I see in each of them is their propensity toward serving those around them, especially each other. I could go on for days writing about specific things they have done for me alone, but something that has been on my mind lately, is how much they seek to serve each other. Papoo turned 84 this year and Mamaw is five years younger. (For the record, the above picture was only two years ago, so basically, they are movie stars.) Their relationship is such an inspiration to me! My grandfather is one of the strongest, hardest working, godly men I know. He can fix anything, and in my mind, do anything he puts his mind to. My grandmother is one of the most thoughtful people I've ever met, has such a servant's heart, and is the perfect hostess. Together, they make up a pretty amazing team. 

Every morning, my grandparents get up, have their quiet times, exercise together, and enjoy breakfast. My grandmother always pours my grandfather's cereal, or makes his oatmeal, and even cuts up a banana on top for good measure. I have always thought it was the cutest thing to think she cut his banana up for him! He is obviously quite capable of cutting up his own banana, but she loves him and views even this very small thing as an act of service to him. A couple of years ago, my grandmother went on her first mission trip (to my knowledge) and when she left, she had labeled individual freezer meals for my grandfather to eat while she was away. What a woman! 

I remember years ago when Mamaw had a serious surgery to remove a tumor on her brain, Papoo stayed by her side and was obviously so nervous through it all. When Mamaw woke up after the surgery, she asked Papoo if he was ok. I'll never forget the smile that came across his face as he said, "I'm ok if you're ok." I know they have endured hardships in their marriage over the years and have most likely had areas they've had to grow in, but the way they love each other is such an inspiration to me. 

One of my biggest struggles in my marriage to your father is being willing to lovingly and enthusiastically serve him. I can list many excuses I allow myself for this, but the bottom line is, I know it is an area I need to give to the Lord and allow him to produce a change in my heart. 

I must confess, when it comes to other people in my life, or even you girls, I find it easier to be quick to serve, quick to offer help, quick to make the load lighter, and so on. With my own sweet husband, who is such a gift from the Lord, I say with my attitude, or sometimes with my actual words, "do it yourself." 

Scripture tells us marriage is an earthly picture of the relationship between Christ and the church. In Ephesians 5, wives are challenged to submit to and respect their husbands as the head of the home, or literally as the Christ figure in the home. In Genesis 2 wives are told we are the helpers suitable for our husbands. In John 14, the Holy Spirit of God is described as our helper. He is not simply a helper to those who help themselves, but instead, helps us even when we are at our worst. This is a tremendous challenge to me to serve and respect my husband whether I feel like it or not, whether I think he deserves it or not, and to do it as unto the Lord. 

I recently started re-reading "Sacred Influence: How God Uses Wives to Shape the Souls of Their Husbands" by Gary Thomas, and I have had a renewed challenge to focus on your father's strengths, pray for him daily, and seek out ways to truly be his helper. I want to be a wife who impacts my husband's life in such a way that if we ever faced a situation like my grandparents did, he would say, "I'm ok if you're ok." I want to be an invaluable asset to your father, not the one who makes his life harder. I pray that my words and actions would build him up and empower him to be his best self rather than make him feel like he will never measure up or meet my expectations. The truth is, I am blessed with a hard-working, loving husband who loves God and loves his family. He has so many wonderful attributes and yet I so often focus on the negative. He, however, seems to more willingly accept me in my weaknesses and love me unconditionally through them. His unconditional love toward me is a challenge in my life and is also very comforting. 

The issue here is more than simply making your father a sandwich when I don't feel like it. The sandwich simply reveals an ugly corner of my heart that needs to be exposed and dealt with. I am thankful the Holy Spirit in me is gentle and kind in revealing these areas of weakness and also faithful to see me through them. May I seek to be my husband's true helper, and learn the art of servanthood through our marriage. We are never more like Christ than when we are loving and serving one another. May it especially be so in our home, and let it start in me.