Dear Daughters: "Arrows In My Quiver"

Dear daughters,

You will never know how much I have already learned from you. I can't believe I've had the amazing privilege of being a mom for three years now! You are both growing so quickly! Though these last three years have been, arguably, the best of my life, there have been times I have struggled with my role as "mom." It's taught me (similar to the way marriage did) how selfish I can be. I am consistently learning the art of denying myself in service to others. I know you girls need me now, more than ever, and as the days and years go by, you will seem to need me less and less.

This truth causes several reactions in my heart. I know the less you need me, the more time I will eventually have for "other" things. I also know your growing independence will, hopefully, mean we have done something right in training you up and sending you out. It is my prayer that you girls will grow into strong, godly women who will truly make a difference in this world. There is also a part of my mother's heart that aches at the thought of you no longer "needing" me the way you do now.

I often feel as though I am hovering over certain moments in life as we know it now telling my present self, "Remember this! Savor this moment! It's slipping by! Hold it in your heart!" I strive to keep this mindset as I parent you girls during the little years. These years can be tiresome, sometimes frustrating, and often difficult. But, I know they will be the ones I smile in remembrance of the most in my old age–the days filled with endless giggles, playing chase, telling stories, scraping knees, learning new things, seeing through the eyes of a child, and finding out just how much my heart can love another human being. Even loving you through discipline and correction teaches me so much about God's love for his children.

I see myself so often in your fits and demands to have things your own way. I relate so well to learning to submit your own will for the good of others and denying your flesh in obedience. It is a journey we are on together, sweet daughters. I fight against my flesh daily and seek to be controlled by God's spirit inside of me.

This is my promise to you–I will never see you girls as a hinderance to what my life could be if I weren't so "tied down" in the midst of this journey of motherhood. You are not shackles on my wrists; you are arrows in my quiver. This short time in life when your father and I have decided I will stay home with you girls is not wasted time–by no means! I will never give in to the lie that what I am doing is insignificant or failing to make a difference. So what my future job resume is looking bleak, I know I am making eternal deposits into lives that God wants to use for His glory! Everyone's path in parenting is different. I know some mothers work outside of the home, whether by choice or not, and some choose to stay home instead. I don't question the decisions or circumstances of others, but I also choose not to compare my situation to anyone else's. On the days I wish I could have a different life than the one I am blessed to be living, I cling to the truth that this life is a breath and this part is a season. May I seek the joy in whatever season of life I find myself in and strive to make lasting impact on those around me.

So, in my current season, I am choosing to cultivate a spirit of joy, contentment, surrender, and living purposefully right where I am.

I will act silly just to see you smile.