A while back, I called your aunt ready to “vent” about how I’d been done wrong. I told her all the details of the story and how I had not been considered or thought of. She seemed to be playing “Devil’s advocate” by trying to help me see the possible "other side" of the story. This only made me explain all the more why I knew I had been mistreated and should be apologized to. Then, in only the way a sister could do, she said, “Lindsey, I think you need to go read your ‘Toddler Tantrum’ post because you are having a tantrum.”
I didn’t love hearing that rebuke from my sister; my feelings did not all of a sudden go away, but I did take a moment to stop and evaluate myself.
{Pity} party of one!
Isn’t it frustrating when you seem to be the only one who understands your side of the story or why you’ve been wronged somehow? Typically, when I allow myself to have a pity party, all too soon I realize I’m the only one there. How could something I feel so strongly not be evident to those close to me?
As a woman, I know I can “feel” my way toward a bad attitude or poor decision in a heartbeat. It’s easy to forget how fickle my own feelings can be.
The definition of “feeling” is: “an emotional state or reaction; a belief, especially a vague or irrational one; a sensitivity to or intuitive understanding of.”
When we find ourselves dealing with strong feelings, its best to stop and think before we act (or react).
How can we avoid the all too common trap of self-pity? How can we truly love and forgive those we believe have wronged us?
Don’t carry burdens you weren’t meant to carry.
“Cast all your anxiety on Him (God) because He cares for you,” 1 Peter 5:7.
I love the word “cast” in this scripture. It means to “throw forcefully in a specified direction.” This tells me two important things about the way I should respond to self-pity: First, I am not meant to carry the burden of self-pity alone, and second, the only one capable of carrying my burdens is God. If I find myself “casting my cares upon other people” or “basking in my burdens alone” I am acting in a manor unworthy of my calling in Christ. I’m rendering myself useless and am acting in disobedience.
Allow God to help you do some “soul-searching.”
It is in the times of unchecked anxiety, fear, frustration, anger, and the like, that I come to realize the deeper heart issues in need of addressing. We can’t always help what others do, but we can choose our response. God is always trying to draw us closer and make us more like Himself. Suffering and trials are a key way he achieves these goals in our lives. We are wrong to believe He wants our lives to be perfectly rosy. It’s not God’s goal to rid our lives of stress, but He does promise He will cary the burden for us. How amazing is it that the answer to living a “stress free” life is found in allowing God to carry the heavy load for you, all the while making you more like Himself?
I have begun to realize, when I am feeling the most “heated” over a particular situation, I am allowing sin to enter my own heart. Whether I am sinning by choosing to walk independent of the Lord, or allowing the opposite of biblical love to enter the deepest parts of my heart, I am living life outside the will of the Father.
Choose to act on what you know to be true rather than your current emotional state.
There is a reason our emotions have been compared to a roller coaster. Emotions are not steady or reliable. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to base important decisions around something like that. A piece of advice I have clung to over the years, is to never make an important decision or seek out a “plan of attack” until you’ve given yourself 24-48 hours to defuse. Often, time is the best thing when I am caught up in my personal feelings within a situation. Allowing time before you react also gives you a chance to carry your situation to the Lord, asking Him to give you divine wisdom in your response. His Word calms my emotional storms. Only after bringing my burden to the Lord and allowing my mind and emotions to be washed by the water of the word am I truly prepared to respond.
Try to understand the opposing point of view, and see the other person through the lens of love.
I know I have a tendency to live in “Lindsey World” if I am not careful. It’s easy to be about my own agenda, work to make known my own opinion, or fight for my own personal cause. In reality, I truly desire to live a self-less life in service of God and others. It’s my flesh that gets in the way! Thank goodness Christ defeated my flesh on the cross, and I can live free from its grasp through the power of the Holy Spirit. This is found only in daily dying to my flesh, taking up my cross, and following Christ. When I remember how much He had to feel self-pity about and how much He was mistreated as God in the flesh, I can no longer hold tightly to my own feelings of abuse.
Finally (though I know the list could go on) choose to give thanks.
"Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God for Christ Jesus in you," 1 Thessalonians 5:18.
Ann Voskamp said it well when she said, "God asks us to give thanks in all things because he knows the feeling of joy begins in the action of thanksgiving." I always have more to be thankful for than to complain about. The fact that I am an accepted, loved, cared for, chosen, redeemed, forgiven, sustained, child of the one true God is more than enough to produce joy from thanksgiving.
Daughters, when you or I find ourselves attending a {pity} party of one, may we view it as a spiritual red flag, cast our cares upon the Lord, search our own hearts, act on what we know rather than what we feel, view the situation through points of view other than our own, and turn our "pity" into thanksgiving, which produces unshakable joy.
Love,
Mom
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